The month of love ❤
Most of my blogs are directly related to the planning process of a wedding. The sad reality is we don't really talk about love, and the importance of planning past your wedding in this industry. Unfortunately, that's the extent that people plan, forsaking the actual marriage.
I would strongly suggest every couple engaged or married to be just as vested in the planning of your marriage just as, if not more than the planning of your wedding. A good amount of people fall into depression after the wedding. All the pomp and circumstance is over and done. No one is fawning over you, and your wedding details. You are now left to join regular life, like the rest of us. It is no longer about you.
You might be thinking, well that's strange. How could anyone be sad after a wedding, plus you're married now. But I promise you, this is a real thing. People become sad because they have nothing big to plan towards. It's mainly because they haven't put much thought into what happens after the wedding. That's why post-wedding I suggest planning date nights, and dinner dates with other couples. Spend time planning things together; whatever that might be, even if it's meeting each other on the couch for a TV binge session with snacks. Plan for your marriage as well!
I beseech you brethren, be intentional about your marriage, just as much as you think what you want your wedding to look like, and feel like. Make sure you take the time to discuss with your fiancé what you foresee for each other in life. Discuss the importance of date nights and vacations. Once you get back into the swing, or the redundancy of life, you need to take time to reconnect. Talk about what the day to day is going to be, and have short term and long term goals.
Marriage is a wonderful institution of union, and when honored, is a blessing and a beautiful strong connection that you experience. Legacy is built here, hope and trust, and hopefully a lifetime of bliss. One thing I’ve learned very early on is that marriage is not about you, it's about the other person.
We've become so self-absorbed and a society that is all about what we can get out of a situation. We think that marriage is all about how someone else makes us feel, and what they do for us, etc. When in actuality I truly believe that marriage is all about loving someone else, giving to that person, what you do for them, and how you make them feel. Hopefully you are blessed to have a partner who believes the same and you'll have a healthy and strong foundation to build on.
When you as a whole individual join with another whole individual without expectations of validation or reciprocation from that person, you can build something beautifully strong.
Please don't misconstrue what I'm saying. So you're not confused, let me be clear, you will, or should have all that stuff in a good relationship, where both parties are active participants, giving, and doting on each other. However, it's when you go into the marriage expecting those things and your focus is your partner delivering those things, instead of you; that's where you fall short. It should be everyone's goal to work on themselves being a whole individual, so you can offer those things. Then, when you join with another, you are healthy and only then can you participate in a healthy relationship.
Healthy relationships are also founded on good communication. Which I think is the most important aspect of a marriage. Communication is crucial for a healthy relationship. If you don't talk, you can't understand your spouse. People change, and are ever evolving, it is imperative to be in constant communication to learn the new likes and dislikes of your partner. You must be an effective communicator, to express your feelings. And the thing that works hand in hand is you have to be an attentive listener. Listen, assess, then do the work. You can't say you love someone you aren't willing to listen to, even if it’s hard to hear.
I'll end with a prayer I wrote a few years ago:
My prayer today is for marriages.
Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, but many times we don’t cherish this gift, or the gift in each other.
The enemy’s goal is to destroy, but God seeks to build up. I bind resentment, a hardened heart, jealously, pride, infidelity, adultery, haughtiness, arrogance, abuse, strife, lust, covetousness, anger, sadness, loneliness, arguments, and anything that comes against your plan.
And I speak, honor, grace, love, joy, peace, integrity, kindness, compassion, compromise, intimacy, adoration, commitment, communication, excitement, faithfulness, forgiveness, gentleness, humility, respect, submission, trust, understanding, restoration and hope.
Help us to return back to when we first fell in love and see you, God, in our spouses. Let your favor shine upon us. Bind us together with cords of love that cannot be broken, in Jesus name, Amen.
And it is so.
Stay Beautiful ❤